"Can't Go Back Now" by The Weepies

This is a time full of angst, insecurity, and heartache as I and many of my close friends wait tirelessly for the one letter, email, or online post that determines our future paths. The work piled on from school and music school has prevented me for days from writing this blog. Now, as we have reached the "deep breath before the plunge," as Gandalf would say, I feel I must somehow depict my view of the current situation.

There is one school - the one that Jacob, Miranda and Drake all applied to - that reeled in 45 EA applicants from my high school. They are living in the midst of a hazy double standard. They all expect to be one of the select few that this college chooses to be amongst their student body, at the same time knowing that their chances are very bleak as a result of such tantalizing competition. Miranda loses sleep, freaks out, becomes impatient. Drake hopes while simultaneously putting himself down low in order to cushion what he believes is a likely fall. Jacob, as one might expect, detaches himself completely - saying that worrying is pointless. Meanwhile, I know he is worried out of his mind. But that's besides the point. If Jacob were truly in sync with his claims, he would be sporting the right attitude - the one we should all be striving for - the one I feel that to some extent I have achieved.

I applied to my top choice college because I could truly not imagine myself at any other place. Though not having been there for longer than a few weeks, I could call the place my home. Its undeniable place in my future, as my instinct would confirm, washed over me to the point that I had no doubt that I must apply Early Decision. Believe it or not, this had nothing to do with the fact that Edward attends the school. Of course, back in February, even before Edward was accepted, I knew that I would inevitably end up at that school. However, that vision existed on a different plane. The plane I'm on now is more in sync with the reality in which we all live. And this plane is not conducive to such a surreal type of confidence. It is open to the possibility of rejection and deferral in the light of those who are applying alongside me and have different but equally competent qualifications.

I will be informed of this college's place in my future in the coming days. Perhaps I am nervous that someone else with higher grades or more national recognition for their talents will deprive me of my spot. However, my overwhelming confidence that this school will see the way in which I shine for them and in general shields me from this worry. I am not losing sleep. I am not even phased out. I expect to become a part of this artsy, avant-garde student body. I have done everything I can to maximize the odds of my acceptance. As I say to all who struggle in the face of the unknown, we "Can't Go Back Now."

Lyrics to "Can't Go Back Now":

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars
And you'll think you've gone as far
As you will ever get

You and me wak on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

And yeah, yeah, you go where you want to go
Yeah, yeah, be what you want to be
If you ever turn around, you'll see me

I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
Yeah, you and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now

Link to Music Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JscAwVu2QI