"Disturbia" by Rihanna

Yes. "My mind's in disturbia." They all say that once you get into college, you can stop working. It doesn't matter anymore. The future is set. Schoolwork becomes a choice as opposed to an obligation. However, these people are clearly generalizing. They have forgotten the horrific right that colleges have to rescind a student whose grades sufficiently lack. Now - my college couldn't have possibly accepted me based on my grades. They got passed my lacking grades in the math and science areas to see the qualities I had to offer. However, if my grades in senior year are lacking below an 80 that is, they have every right to doubt my performance in college. Perhaps their doubts would be different from the truth but I still have every reason to fear for my grades. My math and science ones aren't looking to hot. Granted I will study hard for the final exams but a future opportunity cannot still the aching pain and worry that rushes through my anxious body. Keeping my math and science grades at a minimal 80 will be a struggle that will not allow me to breathe securely until February, though as we all know, I will not fully breathe securely until I am at college - and maybe not even then.

Perhaps my worry is healthy and will motivate me to work harder and beast the upcoming finals. However, with deeper thought, I traced this "disease of the mind" back to something that is totally unrelated to school:

I just cannot believe that I will be attending my top choice college - the one that has always been the bud of my dreams subconsciously before consciously - the one that I can comfortably call my home - the one where Edward is. I just cannot wrap my head around this supposed truth. If it is indeed as true as others tell me and as I have seen multiple times with my own eyes, than it can only be a fairytale. Sadie tells me to believe it and not think of it as a fairytale. It would be wise to take her advice but I can't help being overwhelmed by the momentousness of it all.

I, being an inherent drama queen who takes every opportunity in which she cares to shadow it with worry, cannot rid my mind of disturbia. Perhaps I shall in the coming days when my math scores improve. I can only sit tight, hope, and beast the finals. It seems mundane and useless but with my future still on the line regardless of common ED acceptance myths, it can only be described as practical and thusly necessary.

Lyrics to "Disturbia":

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now

No more gas in the rig
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can't even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane
Yeah

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It's too close for comfort

Throw on your brake lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Faded pictures on the wall
It's like they talkin' to me
Disconnectin' your call
Your phone don't even ring
I gotta get out
Or figure this shit out
It's too close for comfort

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
I feel like a monster

Throw on your brake lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Release me from this curse I'm in
Trying to maintain
But I'm struggling
You can't go, go, go
I think I'm going to oh, oh, oh

Throw on your brake lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Link to Music Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1mU6h4Xdxc