"I Bruise Easily" by Natasha Bedingfield

Right now I'm in a bit of a sticky situation because my mom is doing the laundry while I've been talking and doing what I want and she's making me feel rightfully guilty. I don't really know how to react in these situations because I want to help out, yet there's so much I need to get done and I just can't forge that bridge in between. But that indeed will sort itself out when I get my act better together. As for now, I will write about this song.

Basically, whenever I start to fall for a new person, I get really insecure and vulnerable. Of course a connection that became so strong in three days is pretty deep and momentous and definitely has the potential to grow. Yet because of my vulnerability complex, doubt trumps my confidence. Despite how chill I would like to be in this situation, I am starting to develop a significant amount of expectations concerning this Stewart ordeal. He scarily encompasses the qualities I prized most in both Edward and my Walden crush of four years Connor. And those two are the two guys of all the ones I've dated that I have been unable to forget.

A day or two ago, I promised myself that I would take this easy and slowly as I know I should have with Edward. If I had have done so, as I have mentioned in previous blogs, perhaps the relationship would have been significantly more of a success. Because I have been granted a second chance with a new and possibly better-fitting person, I must take this chance seriously and go against impulse to keep my emotions at bay. I know that I tend to freak out when it's been a day and I haven't received a new text message in response to mine. I know I tend to pour over pictures of potential ex-girlfriends and attempt to wish away their existences. I know I tend to fantasize too deeply about the future and lose perspective on the present. And most of all, I know that I must force myself not to do any of these. I "bruise" way too "easily" when falling into a new romantic situation of any kind. I need to teach myself to take things way more lightly even if the emotions I feel are far from light.

In this situation where there seems to be quite a bit of potential, it's a good chance to see how sane I can be despite the setbacks of my admittedly obsessive personality. I'm going to relax and take no indication, whether it be positive or negative, too strongly and I'm going to stop being so superficial and focused on this one bit of excitement when excitement of all forms swirls around me. For now, the glass is going to remain half full and half empty and when the time comes, I hope that nature in its kindest form fills it. I'm going to force myself to stop "bruising so easily."

Lyrics to "I Bruise Easily"

My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been
And I cant hide the marks
Its not a negative thing
So I let down my guard
Drop my defences down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
Theres a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can't scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints
On a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them
All over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith
I'll never know
So im learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

[Chorus]

Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you or heal you
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave you

So be gentle...

[Chorus]

I bruise easily
I bruise easily

Link to Music Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CmnKC_BLSo