"Spring Street" by Vanessa Carlton

What I'm about to talk about is a tricky concept. It involves sticky emotions that have nothing to do with guys as the last few have but have everything to do with the complicated ordeal of friendship. The situation I am in now is a confusing one and therefore I am relying on my soulmate Vanessa (who I've never met but whose lyrics have always spoken to me) to help me in expressing it.

In life, it's pretty much impossible to stay in the same place. Events will happen that boost you into the next stage of life and you'll have no choice but to alter your behavior or even identity to fit the situation. Throughout each of these occasions, you find yourself walking down "Spring Street" leaving your past behind as your shifting present accomodates the change.

I have faced many such changes in my life already. But the one arguably closest to my heart is making a choice with the help of my parents not to go back to a music camp that I'd attended for the previous four summers. The camp, called Walden, is a place that I hold responsible for much of my growth as a person as well as a musician. It is the main and possibly sole reason for my unforgettable connection with Edward, a fellow Walden student who I've mentioned continuously in my past few blogs. And it will always be the place that I associate with my childhood; a place full of promise and magic to which my heart will always belong.

However, as I reached my sophomore year in high school, I began to realize that the colleges I sought to attend would not look favorably upon a girl such as me who claims to be an adventurous daredevil but remained for all four years of high school at the same music camp in Dublin, New Hampshire. My heart sought to go back but even my instinct was starting to tell me that it was time to experience something new.

The main issue was that throughout the four years I had spent at Walden, I had forged very strong bonds with two of the girls that had been students ever since or preceding my arrival at the camp. My main worry upon leaving was that a) they would become significantly closer to eachother than to me or b) that they would subconsciously condemn me for my choice.

The first year, after returning from a summer school program also in New Hampshire, I felt little change. Sure it was a little awkward talking on the phone with them during or right after Walden. But in the months that followed, after they came out of the Walden zone, things went relatively back to normal. However, this year, the second year I made the same decision not to return to Walden, I attended the Northwestern High School Institute for Journalism. Due to the knowledge I had gained about journalism, myself, and life in general, I came away feeling rather distant from the person I'd been prior to this experience, which was the person with whom my two friends were familiar.

Tonight my two friends and another fellow Waldener who overlapped two years with me called me to have a four-way chat. I was shocked to realize that as soon as I picked up the phone, I felt a nagging desire to get off. I felt as if they were making a pity-call. I did not feel part of the clique that had inevitably been formed for the past two years without me and it seemed unnatural to pretend I could relate when every other sentence reminded me how much of an outcast I had become.

Even though I know that the bonds I formed with these two girls could never be extinguished, I can't help from feeling that our connection is dying. While at Walden, I was probably more attached to the place itself than either of my two friends were. I took long solo walks to random areas off-campus. Often times, when they were hanging out on the campus quad, I would disappear to the rambling forest below. However, in letting go, I recognized the permanent impact Walden had and would always have on me as a result of my temporary stay. I realized that returning year after year to re-establish my love for the place as opposed to fostering new life changing experiences was completely unnecessary because the place would remain regardless a concrete element in my life.

I admit the choice to leave Walden was not an easy one and my parents pretty much had to pull me out of my obsession in order to help me make it. But I cannot even imagine who I would be had I not been given the opportunity to learn about myself in the following two settings. I look forward to seeing who my friends will be once they have given themselves the opportunity to branch out and see more of the world.

Often when my friends revert back to Walden-speak during our phone conversations, I feel as if they are strangers whom I have left behind like dropped stitches in a knitting pattern. In walking down "Spring Street", I feel that I might have lost something precious to me and I hope beyond all belief that this is just a phase that will grow itself out as my friends and I experience new things in the life that stretches out before us all.

The choices we are forced to make for our own benefits are not always easy. Sometimes our instinct commands us to make decisions that our hearts would beg us not to make. However, choices that are difficult to make are often more rewarding than those that allow you to remain in your comfort zone.

Lyrics to "Spring Street"

Nah, nah-nah-nah, nah nah nah
Nah, nah-nah-nah, nah nah nah

I was heading down to Spring Street with a suitcase in my hand
Filled with love and life and grand illusion,
I knew you'd understand
I left you by the stairwell
And your eyes were wet with tears
Mother you knew you had to let me go,
Even after all these years

And we sing
Nah, nah-nah-nah, nah nah nah
She said
Nah-nah-nahnah nah nah nah
Walk on
Nah-nah nah, nah, nah nah nah
You're alright
Nah-nah, nah, nah nah nah nah

And I found myself a new life
I've been living with some friends
We hold on to dreams and live like kings,
Like the days will never end
I left him by the statue and his eyes were filled with tears
Lover you knew you had to let me go
Even after all these years
And we sing

Nah-nahnah-nah nah nah nah
He said
Nah-nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah
Walk on
Nah-nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah
You're alright
Nah-nah, nah, nah nah nah nah

Everything changes friends become strangers
What we hold so dear slips away
The past keeps on fading,
But I'll never forget you
It's hard to see that you're a part of me
Even when we have to say

Nah-nah, nah, nah,nah nah nah
Walk on
Nah-nah, nah, nah nah nah nah nah
We sing
Nah-nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah
Well alright
Nah-nah, nah, nah nah nah nah

And I moved out of the city
To start a family of my own
When I look into my daughter's eyes,
I don't feel so alone
And as I walk her down to Spring Street
She holds on to my hand
Mother you knew my eyes would be wet with tears and now I understand

Nah-nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah
And I said
Nah-nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah
Walk on
Nah-nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah
Thank you
Nah-nah, nah, nah, nah nah nah
Walk on,
You're alright
Can't hold on
Nah-nah,nah, nah, nah nah nah

Link to Music Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btpdfRihylU