Speaking of Stewart, today is his birthday. I saw him in the morning. He wasn't wearing his glasses and I looked great in my checkered off-white and black dress, the authentic cowboy boots adding their classic kick. He looked at me. He smiled - looked happy to see me I think. But I couldn't bare to look at him. I don't know what it is - my pride perhaps? I am never able to look a newfound crush or break-up in the eye. I couldn't do either today. Jacob and I did not speak. I felt a bit guilty, but I must leave that guilt alone. He deserves no more than my civility. I'll buck up and give it to him next week.
Anyway, the reason I chose this song? I know Sara wrote it about her employer, who demanded that she write a love song just like every other artist out there. Sara the maverick decided to write a defiant, yet human statement instead. Obviously, this is not my situation. I'm taking the lyrics by their literal meaning - the way in which it more easily relates to my life.
I'm sensing some awkwardness on the Stewart front. This could be a good thing, but it could also be negative. He and I were exchanging shy but less meaningful glances in the studio. I guess as the hour progressed, we got a bit more back to normal - but I got the sense that we'd either backtracked or stepped forward in a roundabout way. I can't tell which it is, which is interesting. Our dynamic could have shifted to a permanent friends stage, or it could have progressed into a more connected state where we are actually attempting to relate on a deeper level of communication. Actually, even though I'm not particularly optimistic today, I tend to believe the latter.
But either way, I guess it's nothing to really worry about. I want to answer my instinct in this situation and not pursue Stewart like I have the other guys I've gone for. I can be friendly. I can try to get to know him better. I can even be flirty and attempt to sweep him off his feet without tripping myself at the same time. But I'm not going to blatantly pursue him. If it's meant to happen it will. No love songs involved...in public at least.
Lyrics to "Love Song":
Head under water
And you tell me to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
Made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today
I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today
Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
'cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
Is that why you wanted a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to
Write you a love song today
Just go get him!
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