I mentioned my "religion" in one of the first blogs I wrote. Basically, I believe in a philosophy I call "Instinct Destiny". We have a destiny out there for us that we're technically supposed to achieve. We are informed of this path towards our destiny by instinct, which tells us, or those of us who listen, which way to go when faced with a fork in the road. Now if we choose the right path and follow our instinct, we're placed one step closer to achieving the destiny set out for us. However, if we go against destiny, we are set back and faced with the challenge of accounting for our actions.
When the idea of Jacob and me first popped into my head, I dismissed it. He's not right for me. As a close friend maybe but not as a boyfriend. I'm not even that attracted to him. Melanie, as time went on, especially after Edward and my catastrophe, began to push the idea. I adopted it more strongly and eventually found myself quite attracted to the guy - so much so that the idea of him and me seemed probable. He was nice enough on aim. In person I barely knew him but that didn't matter. As a potential boyfriend, he seemed like a fine candidate. We started talking more and more intensely. However, as the day of the start of our relationship grew closer, I began to doubt the concept. Thoughts of a previous crush Connor began to flood my head in a futile attempt to save me. Constant unsurity plagued my subconscious. Still, because I hadn't quite recognized the power of my instinct, I went against these signs and got myself into what I now know was a misguided situation.
I don't know how to explain what drew me away from what I knew was not entirely what I wanted. The movie "Slumdog Millionaire" is mainly to blame. It's a great movie, but the concept of that ideal love between the me-like Frieda Pinto and the Jacob-like Dev Patel did not help suade me from making the wrong choice. I still often think about this movie and am tempted to relapse back into my previous state of Jacob-pining. But then I realize that Jacob, though very similar to Dev in looks and demeanor, in a relationship is nothing like him.
I made the wrong decision and I paid for it in pain. Once my debt was paid correctly, I was allowed to return on my path to achieve my destiny. The second I realized this pattern, I was put back on my path and the wounds Jacob had given me were very much faded. My life seems once again free, happy and devoted to others around me as well as to my own happiness.
Though I should have never departed on this path, I did learn something while there:
When your heart and head take two different paths, always choose your head and wait for the day when they'll both be in line.
Lyrics to "Nolita Fairytale":
I know, you know, we dont see
We sow our truth, wait patiently
I walk the streets with a song in my head
We ebb and we flow so
Got my toes on my pup at the foot of my bed
My heart always seems to know
Now take the glitz back, I want the soul instead
Cos I found some kind of fairytale
I used to
Hover outside my truth
Always worry of what Id lose
Take away my record deal
Go on, I dont need it
Spent the last 2 years getting to whats real
And now I can see so clear
I hope you feel just like I feel
I found some kind of fairytale
Want a garden by the ocean tide
Because I lose my way searching for stage lights
Well, Stevie knows and I thank her so
Cos its your seeds I sow
And now I know
Nolita flat on rent control
Thats the life I choose
And you drag me to the fashion show
The poses that I see through
The movies in the afternoon
Cos I found some kind of fairytale
Nolita Fairytale
Ba da da da da da, Ba da da da da da
Nolita Fairytale
Ba da da da da da, Ba da da da da da
Nolita Fairytale
Nolita Fairytale
Nolita Fairytale
Link to Music Video:
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