"Patience" by Take That

You know...this song always got to me. In the beginning, when I first ascribed significance to it, I was going out with Drake. He had a past - a very dark past with a girl. I was the hot, happy girlfriend, full of promises. He'd been into me for a while but somehow, at the end of the day, I could not compete with the magnitude - the weight - of his feelings, albeit somewhat tortured, for this girl.

Now, I feel that I am in a similar situation to the one Drake was in before. I've been into Stewart for a while. I am excited over the opportunity to pursue him legitimately - yet somehow, though I've thought about it, I haven't really started. Something's been holding me back. My mom said it's maturity. For a while I thought that was the cause as well. However, the tendencies of a restless ideas, even when somewhat jaded by growth, cannot be quenched to the extent they are now merely because of maturity. I feel my hesitation stems from something else - something darker.

Jacob cannot think straight when I am around. He converses with those in the general area at which we've both been placed, but his attention (and eyes) constantly flit towards me. Last night, I chatted him. I began asking him questions, which he found, as stated, condescending and obnoxious. However, because he admitted that my analysis is consistently helpful, he indicated that he is bound to tolerate my delivery (which frankly I don't think is anything near as grating as the tone he's used with me). I told him I want to penetrate the wall he's put up. I want to help him break outside what has always prevented him from interacting on a deep level with other people. He tried to insult me by saying "you don't know me" but that failed to its utmost ability because he and I both know that I definitely do.

The conversation was cut short by Jacob's sleeping habits. However, perhaps you've perceived the magnitude of its effect on me. My feelings for Jacob will not vanish regardless of the various methods I use in attempts to revoke them. In fact, you could argue that they only get stronger.

At this point in time, I don't want to end up like Drake. I don't want to go out with the hot, happy new boyfriend and then lose what could have been a wonderful relationship by cheating on him after two weeks with Jacob. It's a dark side of human nature that I've noticed. No matter how happy you can feel in your current situation, the tortured histories of your past will most likely always triumph. It's sad isn't it? That's why I'm going to wait until I am secure in my place to move forward with Stewart. Perhaps this moment will never truly happen and Stewart and I will be confined to the friend level. However, until I am ready, there's no harm in being friends. Jacob is a very time-consuming and draining occupation. But using the energy I have left until it fades, hopefully Stewart and I can become a little closer.

Lyrics to "Patience":

Just have a little patience
I'm still hurting from a love I lost
I'm feeling your frustration
Any minute all the pain will stop.

Just hold me close inside your arms tonight
Don't be too hard on my emotions.

[Chorus:]
'Cause I
Need time
My heart is numb, has no feeling
So while I'm still healing
Just try and have a little patience.

I really wanna start over again
I know you wanna be my salvation
The one that I can always depend.

I'll try to be strong
Believe me I'm trying to move on
It's complicated but understand me.

[Chorus]

'Cause the scars run so deep
It's been hard but I have to believe
Just have a little patience [x2]

[Chorus]

Have a little patience
My heart is numb, has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try and have a little patience

Link to Music Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF3DqGwIi18