Life is a string of ordinary days that have a consistent potential to become more than for what they're originally set up. I have often said that I can predict the future. In many cases I can and have. However, setting forth a math parallel, a graph that has a continuous and predictable slope in one quadrant can take a sharp turn in another. The evening when I called Connor for the last time merged into the day I was hit over the head with feelings for Edward. The day I swore I'd never develop feelings for anyone else but Edward was the day I turned around and saw Jacob in a new light. The afternoon in August when I woke up from a nap pining for Jacob ended in an evening filled with romantic possibility with Stewart. Perhaps the future can be predicted in some cases, but instinct in many cases bounces tracks from day to day.
The tracks on which my instinct bids me run seem quite random at times. In terms of my top choice college, I have a feeling I was always meant to go there. I had it in the back of my mind since I was 12. I guess it's true that Stewart was the first person I remember noticing at Juilliard my first day. He happens to be in my cello studio. He happened to have attended the same week-long camp I did. But this whole connection still seems quite random. How can I expect to breach the gap and ask him out to even something so simple as coffee when I barely know the guy? We've never spent more than 10 minutes alone and even then it wasn't planned. Who am I to reach out and add concrete plans to a connection that has thus far been spontaneous? It seems in a way that I'm going against nature. I can promise you that when my heart took such an unexpected turn, it did not mean to get stuck in yet another complicated situation. However, if I let things flow without interfering, nothing will happen and the purpose of this connection will never be fulfilled. That is - assuming there is a purpose. Now I'm really confusing myself.
Tomorrow, Saturday, is the first deciding factor in terms of whether I am going to proceed to quickly breach this randomness or wait until it seems more timely. I must pay close attention to my instinct at the end of the day. If I stick with it, I will be protected from harm. If I rationalize myself away from the proper path, I will only end up in useless heartbreak. The future may not be clear, but it is in enough of my control such that I can prevent unnecessary turmoils from taking place. I wish for the best of guidance tomorrow as I tackle the Unknown.
Lyrics to "Unknown":
Look to the dark
The road that lies ahead
One step and you're gone
The past you've rendered dead
You're on your own with the unknown
And all that's left unsaid
A shady road leads down below
The truths that you've been fed
No one knows
Where you'll end up
The future is not clear
The sheltered portion of your life
Is bound to finish here
Detachment from the present
That the future will demand
Marks the line where one stage ends
And the next begins
Look to the light
These eyes that shone for you
Fade to the stars
As you travel through the gloom
You're on your own with the unknown
And it'll be a blast
Enough to make you solidly
Turn your back on the past
But no one knows
Where you'll end up
The future is not clear
There may be much that you regret
But there's tons more left to fear
Detachment from the present
That the future now demands
Marks the start of your journey
Off to distant lands
Look to the sky
That forms your only canopy
Your sheltered self-indulgent world
Is now a memory
You're on your own with the unknown
And chances you have missed
Memories of losses
That you never thought to risk
But no one knows
Where you'll end up
The future is not clear
The sheltered portion of your life
Would always finish here
Would always finish here
Detachment from the present
The future always will demand
You mark the line where one stage ends
And the next begins
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